here we go……………..
I sit here watching Becoming Chaz… an Oprah documentary on the gender switch of Cher’s daughter Chastidy who started life as a budding beautiful blonde headed blue eyed girl. My thoughts flash between my two budding beautiful blonge headed daughters and an old woman in the grocery store line commenting on a recent magazine cover, shocked. I switch the channels as my son walks in and out to “shelter” him and breathe in anxiety over rising gas prices and the failing heartbeat of the world that my children were born into. I breathe deep as I flip channels between Mob Wives and Bin Laden and Sister Wives and fires and droughts and famine and back to this documentary to catch a lady professing her thoughts on how the he/she has so much courage to truly be himself and my thoughts flash to small bald children shaved by chemotherapy and I wonder where the definition of courage has gone.
I breath deep watching my daughter hop so happy out of the car each morning and hold up i love you in sign language and pray with each step that she takes further away that she has the courage to say no to crystal meth and tatoos and gossiping. and the world. and the courage to say yes to christ. I take a deep breath and pray that I have strength… courage to NOT do what is easy but to do what is right. That when all other parents say yes to going to a rated R movie, that I stand firm. I breathe in deep the strawberry scented bubble bath and lock away the memory of mispelled words and dimpled hands. I breathe in deep the chaos and the busy and the mundane and look to the source of breath for strength and courage and exhale gratitude. grace. in abundance.